Extramarital Sex
This is a rather complex issue involving ramifications in emotional, social,
and moral fields. The problem is a cause for concern in modern times, especially
in the West where materialism has for so long been the philosophy of life.
The third moral precept advises against all forms of sexual misconduct, which
include rape, adultery, promiscuity, paraphilia, and sexual perversions. Actually,
the Buddhist commentary emphasizes adultery more than anything else, but if
we take into account the purpose and intention of the precept, it is clear that
the precept is intended to cover all improper behavior with regard to sex. The
broadest interpretation even purports to mean abstention from the misuse of
the senses. The expression "misuse of the senses" is somewhat vague.
It could refer to any morally unwholesome action committed under the influence
of sensual desire or to the inability to control one's own senses. In any case
there is no doubt that the third precept aims at promoting, among other things,
proper sexual behavior and a sense of social decency in a human civilization
where monogamy is commonly practiced and self-restraint is a cherished moral
value.
For one reason or another, many young people in love are not able to enter into
married life as early as they wish. While marriage is still some distance in
the future, or even an uncertain quantity, these people enter into relationships,
of which sex forms a significant part. This happens not only among adults, who
must legally answer to their own conduct, but also among teenagers who are still
immature, emotionally unstable, and tend to act in irresponsible ways. Peer
pressure and altered moral values are an important contributing factor to the
escalation of the problem. The trend toward extramarital sex has become so
common that it is now virtually taken for granted. Contubernal arrangements
are becoming increasingly popular, and marriage is relegated to a place of insignificance,
jeopardizing in the process the sanctity of family life.
In the context of these developments, the third precept becomes all the more
relevant and meaningful. Unlike killing, which certain circumstances seem to
warrant, there is hardly any plausible excuse for sexual promiscuity, except
human weaknesses and inability to restrain the sexual urge. However, there is
a distinction between sexual promiscuity and sexual relationship based on mutual
trust and commitment, even if the latter were a relationship between two single
adults. Thus one may begin to practice the third precept by resolving not to
be involved in sexual activities without an earnest intention and serious commitment
of both parties. This means that sex should not be consummated merely for the
sake of sexuality, but should be performed with full understanding within the
people involved and with mutual responsibility for its consequences. A certain
level of maturity and emotional stability is necessary to ensure a healthy and
productive sexual relationship between two partners. With the realization that
there is a better and more noble path to follow than promiscuity, one may see
the wisdom of self-restraint and the benefit of establishing a more lasting
and meaningful relationship which, rather than impeding one's spiritual progress,
may enhance it.
Finally, if anything else fails to convince people of the danger and undesirability
of sexual promiscuity, perhaps the phenomenal AIDS epidemic will. This may seem
beside the point, since moral precepts and moral integrity are matters that
concern inner strength, fortitude, and conscientious practice, not fear and
trepidation based on extraneous factors. It is, nevertheless, worthwhile to
consider the connection between promiscuous behavior and the AIDS epidemic and
realize how strict observance of the third Buddhist moral precept could greatly
reduce the risk of infection or spread of this deadly disease. Acceptance of
this fact may also lead to an appreciation of the value of morality and moral
precepts as laid down by the Buddha, consequently strengthening conviction in
the Dharma practice.